Say you are in the water (“I am in the water”). It is a beautiful summer’s day. The water is calm, the sun is shining, all is good.

Then comes a storm, kids jump in, a crocodile attacks your toes (“stop it, that tickles”). The calm has run away and hid behind the Bangalow palm tree at the side of the pool. You start sinking. In all the turmoil of pool toys, bombing kids and live animals, you have forgotten how to swim. Does the dog paddle need a tail? I can’t remember. Panic sets in. You mistake Butterfly for the long lost caterpillar stroke and start sinking.

Your mind is blank. No one notices your forlorn eyes at the bottom of the pool, searching through your mind for the right answer. And then it hits you, a small boy called Damo. Ouch! No, the other thing hits you, floating. Everything else has been deleted by the chaos except for the peaceful memory of floating.

The sun, the serene water, the calmness of the day. It returns. You shoot up out of the water like a wild mythical beast. Your eyes are red and enraged and you scream “OUT!” Silence. Many sets of worried, shocked and dripping eyes freeze and stare. Pool toys are suspended in mid-air as the children take in what has just happened. Then one by one, it happens. Quietly at first and then like a rush of noise, laughter.

They are laughing. Open-mouthed laughing. What a sight they see before them. Red-eyed, bloated, pale woman, hair stuck to the sides of the face like a ken doll. Teeth are bared and they LAUGH!. You lie on your back and float. Your feet remember to kick and you make your way backwards through the crowded pool. You head butt a inflatable canoe, wiggle through a game of ‘Marco/Polo’ and end up near the steps.

Your feet stamp down on the bottom step, you adjust your swimmers before getting out. Your glare is fixed on the interrupting juveniles. The tiles are slippery today, so you do your finest torvall and dean interpretation and slide, twirl, dip, and do the ‘running man’ towards  your towel. You end up on your back, feet dragging behind. You float once more, this time towards the door, towards freedom from the chaos. You are safe now. You are alone. You are highly amused. You take a bow.