I once sneezed in a lecture hall and no one looked my way. It got me thinking. Sneezing is acceptable but if I shouted as loud as I sneezed all would turn around, stare and question my sanity. How funny is our world?

I wonder if there are places where spontaneous shouting is the norm? Perhaps sneezing is frowned upon? The body does funny things… like farting. Every child finds fart jokes so tummy-splittingly funny. And every adult with even a mild sense of humour cracks a smile when the word ‘fart’ is uttered. It’s a funny word for a ridiculous bodily function. FART! Girls fart too, did you know? And I find it’s best to fart when someone is talking about trumpets or baddies or wind. Because it makes it even funnier… or is it just me?

Burping is less funny because it is a controlled thing. You can burp for attention and it doesn’t come out of your bottom, so the funny-o-metre would rank it low on laughs. Sneezing is funny, especially in kids who don’t know how to do it politely. And then for the adults there’s all kinds of sneezes: tiny, lady sneeze; spray sneeze; loud-echo-around-the-neighbourhood sneeze, cough-sneeze, silent sneeze, silencer-sneeze (the one you try to hold in but escapes nonetheless). Hilarious!

On the other hand being smelly is not funny. Deodorant was invented for a reason as were baths, showers, shower gel, shampoo and Glen-20. No one wants to walk into a bathroom and faint. We’re delicate creatures these days, so please do your best and use what is available to smell like roses (or good man smell).

Which brings me to hiccups… (great segue no?). They would have to be the funniest, most frustrating, uncontrollable bodily function (correct me if I’m wrong). What are hiccups? According to the internet, is when the diaphragm contracts over and over again, closing the vocal cords, making the hiccup sound. It can be caused by allergic reactions, spicy foods, carbonated drinks, eating too fast or MORE! It can make you hurl, burp or cause major frustration, cos you know that there are no cures in most cases, except for time. And, mostly the people who find hiccups hilarious are the onlookers not the sufferers themselves.

Ah, the human body; a complex combination of ick and oooo. It can be wildly beautiful and overtly disgusting. It can cause poets to poem and writers to swoon but at the end of the day, what goes in must come out. What could be funnier than that?

God bless our Japanese friends!