Who is tired of doom and gloom? Every time I news it up, there’s some depressing story about some mad man/woman doing evil things to someone else. So, just for today, tune in here and read some good news news.

Let’s dig up a spot of positive thinking. Let us reclaim the world in all its beautiful glory. I’m going to shine a light here or there and let us all take a break from the darkness of some people’s reality.

THE GOOD NEWS NEWS:

Local

Today several hundred children walked safely to school. Mayor Harvey Rose said that this is a sensational result for the citizens of Pittwater. The local Police Sargent agreed saying that it was high time the safety message got through. Parents were seen after school drop off with a tear in their eyes, realising the enormity of their achievement. Children were seen hugging their parents with grateful looks in their small round faces.

National

The New South Wales Parliament sat for the first time today. Some politicians shook hands while others shared a knock-knock joke. There were winks, smiles and both sides agreed to sensible changes to public transport and to over-fund hospitals. Member for a part of Sydney said that from today onwards all hospitals would offer edible food to all patients regardless of income. First time mother, Janet, said that she was relieved. Since the birth of baby Day-Spa three days ago, the poor bugger hasn’t been able to stomach the yellow beans and vomit-slop usually on offer. Now, she felt she could offer little Day-spa some quality breast milk.

International

In breaking news, the world leaders of all the world have come together and agreed to stop fighting for stuff. Instead, they have agreed to share stuff with each other so no one person dies of curable diseases, starvation or war related violence. In a statement, the UN chief blasted the leaders saying, “Great. Now I don’t have a reason to go to work on Monday. Are you happy, chumps?”

Entertainment

In a shock move, Hollywood has decided to produce real and interesting films for the public. One studio executive was overheard saying that they’ve only recently realised that their audience isn’t as dumb as they thought and in response will be hiring real writers and actors to produce movies that actually mean something to the world.

Sport

Tennis – Third seed, some Russian player, has decided not to scream when she hits the ball. She feels bad for all the times she’s annoyed her opposition with her shrieking ‘Yaaaa!’ and is sorry for making tennis audience grind their teeth.

Gymnasitcs – International Gymnastics The World has decided to outlaw the slow clap. From now on, anyone in the crowd who begins a slow clap that builds to a fast clap will be banned for two years from attending a IGTW event.

Netball – In a controversial move, men will now be allowed to play in the national netball competition. Australian captain some tall chick with awesome ball skills claimed that men would be “thrashed” on the court and the girls would not play nice just because they are men.

Weather

The forecast for Sydney is changeable. Depending on what you’re up to it will be sunny and 27 degrees or pouring with rain at a cosy 16 degrees. Or if you are hard to please it will be sunny in the morning with a possible afternoon thunderstorm. Actually just shut the door, pop on the air conditioner and make your own weather.

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