This is a message to all of you who are considering becoming parents. Parenthood is a wonderful world full of sunshine, rainbows and Disney. It is a place of love and cuddles, kisses and stories. You will rediscover your imagination, your inner child. I love being a mummy-bear. But I need to be honest, and you’ve heard it before, but parenting can be gross and stressy.

Let me enlighten you… birth. Birth is messy. Oozy gross stuff pours out of almost every orifice. It’s out of control. If you are a shy, self-controlled person, you may find the idea of screaming at the top of your lungs in front of strangers while you are naked and exposed, a little confronting. But no matter how shy or self-controlled you are, you will do this. Breastfeeding is not natural. For many, this tests your patience, your determination and your pain threshold.

Toddler years are fun and cute but there are challenges my friends. Do not be precious about having a perfectly clean house. It just won’t happen in this stage. Food will fly, my friends, on your floor, on your walls, so don’t buy anything new for a few years. Toilet training can be easy peasy depending on the child. For my first born it took 2 years and some professional counselling to finish the job. It was messy…. again… My son used to hold on to his poos for up to 6 days so Pull-ups full of the brown stuff brought me inexplicable joy. It’s amazing what stuff you learn to handle without vomiting.

Kids are cool. They can play games with you, do little jobs around the house and read you books. They also get sick and vomit. Gross again. They bounce around your kitchen and invade your personal space. Shopping for food can be extremely torturous with the constant, “Mu-arm, look at this, can we have this, Mu-arm, what is this, so-and-so gets this can we have this, Mu-arm do you remember this.” When all I want to do is read my list and get it done!

So this is where I am. With small children, in the early years of school. I don’t mean to be negative about parenting but if you’re considering having some of your own, it’s good to know what is ahead. It is a career in itself. Do not be fooled by the long daycare centres and such. There is support out there but it is your heart that will carry the weight of parenthood. They mess with your emotions and can fill you up and empty you out in one day.

I would do anything for my kids. I love them forever. It’s a tough gig and a worthy one! And I will never regret bringing these two funny little monkeys into this strange old world.

If you’re already a parent. What valuable lessons have you learnt? Funny stories?