Environmentalism is hip. Let’s face it. Today it is easy to be green. There are so many options out there to save the world. Raaaaaa. It’s funny that they’re often the most expensive, fancy looking things isn’t it? Surely there’s a whole heap of people getting rich on saving this fine planet of ours. I’m not against protecting species and looking after the world, but I don’t like the feeling that we’re being manipulated into spending more money or heading down a certain track against our will.

So I will dare to be uncool. Beyond these lines are my environmental secrets. They are the kind of things that would cause an environmentalist to point their finger and give me a good ’tisking’. But I know I’m not the only one. Some hide it better than others.

Confession time:

  • Shower hog- yes I love water wasting devices. I absolutely hate drippy pathetic showers and the thought of putting a timer on it almost makes me cry. I like a long shower with lots of power. Now, I know for a fact that I am not alone in this because this is a global warming no-no that anyone can hide from those prying green eyes.
  • Caged eggs – Every time I go egg shopping I almost blush. I am paranoid that someone is going to bust me buying the cheapest caged eggs I can find. I love animals but don’t care too much for chickens. Which is why I probably avoid watching those exposes on cruelty to chickens. It all comes down to price here and I just cannot afford $6 a dozen for guilt-free range eggs.
  • Organic fruit, veges, meat and blah-de-blah-blah. What a great get-rich-scheme this is. Now I hate chemicals as much as the next person but who decided that only the rich get to have the natural food? It stinks. It seems that if you want to be healthy you have to pay through the nose and that is why I refuse to buy organic stuff. It feels immoral… unless, of course, it is on sale!
  • Cling film/ wrap/ plastic, plastic everywhere – I’m a great recycler! Yes I am part greenie. But I still use plastic wrap for my blocks of cheese, leftovers and frozen goods. Some things are just impossible to give up!
  • Nappies/diapers – There is a new breed of mum out there who is using the new fancy pants cloth nappies. When my kids were babies, I apologized profusely to the rubbish dump and the earth but there was no way I was going to spend my time washing out poos and wees from cloth. Ironically I run a mile from bleach and other tough cleaners and, besides, chucking out a disposable nappy is too darn easy!
  • I now throw my finished toilet rolls in the bin. I tried for years to recycle them but they were just too hard to get from the bathroom to the yellow bin without causing a slapstick scene (you know the one that usually involves marbles).  So, I made an executive decision and now they go out with the rest of the rubbish. To my credit I recycle almost everything else.

So there you have it! I have laid it all before you in an honest way. I will no longer hide my choice of egg or long shower. I will shout it from the rooftop because, no one is perfect. Environmentalists still drive petrol guzzling machines, buy sweets wrapped in plastic and use electricity. It’s all about balance and choice and these are my choices.

What are your dark environmentally incorrect secrets?