We all know about the weird names celebrities call their offspring: Apple, Pilot Inspektor, Sage Moonblood, Blanket and Tu Morrow… Um yeah! Seriously, what were they thinking? There are also some ‘normal’ people out there with some unusual names and for the past umpteen months I have been collecting some in the hopes that some day I may write a quirky old book and may need some name inspirations.

So, forgive me if one of these are your names but I just love them, so take it as a compliment.

First there’s Norrie Bloom. In my mind, Norrie is an older gentleman, a little quirky, perhaps a landscape painter. He wears a worn peaked cap, a scarf and has bright little blue eyes. He is an opinionated pacifist and a loner, perhaps because of his strange ideas. He never married and worries about who will nab his little shack with the awesome view when he dies. Norrie Bloom, everyone!

Two: Noddy Wagner. This man defines the word rake. He is skinny, tall and gangly. He isn’t too smart but thinks the world of himself. He walks around town winking and shooting finger guns at people in a way that truly cool fellas do. Whenever anyone sees him they run a mile because once he starts talking he’ll never stop. In his mind, the world revolves around Noddy Wagner, in his mind he is beloved and adored. But only in his mind.

Three: Baker Bloodworth. Sweetest man alive. Born with such an unfortunate name, Baker has had to sweet talk his way into jobs and friendships. He tells a good story, makes people laugh and listens intently to them when they have problems. He has a dubious past that no one knows or really cares to know… he’s that sort of bloke. He is 45 and runs his own deli, so he’s always up for a chat.

Four: Doc Kane… is an ten year old boy with a head the size of a well grown watermelon. He’s mean and sad. He has red freckles and dry skin. His only friend is dog, Doggery who is a fat Sausage dog, even uglier than its owner. Doc has repeated second grade three times and now the teachers just can’t be bothered with his big old head and let him pass just to get him out of the way. His parents spend all their time on holidays and he stays with his deaf old grandmother who hasn’t left the house in ten years. Poor, sad Doc.

Five: Chontelle Crips. Miss Crips is the town beauty. In every festival you will find her atop the tallest float in the parade. She just loves wearing her homemade tiara and waving her perfectly formed hands to the crowd, queen-style. Problem is that Chontelle is well into her fifties and no longer fits properly into the dresses she insists on wearing. Inside, she is still a perky 20 year old with the world and boys at her feet. No one is brave enough to tell her because of her reputation as a tantrum throwing, red-face turning, tiara-hurling crazy lady, so they just humour her and let her ride and wave.

Six: Franny Oxford. Mrs Oxford is the school principal. She has been the school principal for twenty four years now and she has a chair with a butt imprint to prove it. She is all about keeping school traditions alive. So the kids still wear wicker hats and sit in uncomfortable wooden chairs that occasionally break when larger kids sit in them. Mrs Oxford is like a smell that won’t go away; it’s kind of comforting and kind of stale at the same time. She can be sweet and pliable when she wants to be but don’t cross her. She knows how to manipulate people around her to do what she wants them to and if they don’t, then all hell breaks loose.

That’s my top 6 strange names. Are you a name collector? What uniques names do you know?

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