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Ah, if only we could, if only we would… would we? There are so many parenting taboos out there. What would happen if we broke them all? Dream with me.

Kids being hassled at school? The Politically Incorrect Parent (PIP) would march into the playground and follow the bully around for the day. She (cos it would be the mother would it not?) would sit in the kid’s circle at recess, lunchtime, join in with a game or two of Star Wars and sit in a rather undersized chair in class. She would glare at the child and if she sees anything bully-wise, she would stand over the child, poke him or her in the shoulder and stand up for her own child, in a way that only she knows how.

A PIP will point out a booger on any child any time. And if a kid has two stripes of gooey green snot running out of the nose, watch out parents, our beady eyed PIP will call you on it pronto. And no, the PIP does not wipe other children’s noses, bottoms or ooey gooey eyes. And if your kid has nits, the PIP may buy you a nit comb or treatment just to get you going.

Before any playdate, the PIP will ask about the health of your child in the last 24 hours. She will need a doctor’s certificate saying that the kid is no longer contagious, especially when it comes to gastro. No, parents, 3 hours after the last vomit won’t do. The PIP requires a good 12-24 hours vomit free for her precious darling to hang out with your post-vomitous child.

The PIP teaches her child self-defense. This is divided into two sections: school and stranger danger. For school, the good old push on the shoulder is popular or, if it’s a girl, a drag by the hair if things get serious. Stranger danger focuses more on the ‘soft’ spots on the body where you can really get an attacker. She neatly choreographs it, so that it will come natural to her darlings. She also gives her children screaming lessons. When to scream high pitch and when to growl like a pit bull terrier.

A good PIP will provide a written document full of comebacks they can use in various situations in the school playground; such as: “Oh you are!” OR “My dad’s better than yours” OR “Is that your butt or your face?” OR “You must suck at baseball!” OR “You look like a moose!”. Very clever indeed. There’s nothing like a PIP family brainstorm to get the really good comebacks happening.

In the post-political world that we live in, it is vital for the PIP to take a stand and educate her fellow parents in the ways of the PIP. To all the PIPs out there, what have you done to teach your friends the art of Politically Incorrect Parenting? Do share (hands rubbing together excitedly).

I love it when writers, directors, actors etc hit that sweet spot. You know those scenes from your favourite TV shows that take it from good to incredible? Ah. There are some brilliant scenes that have made me fall deeply, madly into addiction with some series. Here they are. They may not be your cuppa tea but to me they are pure gold!

1. Gilmore Girls – This scene is perfecto! It depicts family life in such a dramatic, humorous and ‘real’ way. I loved it! My number 1!!!

2. Arrested Development – One of the best comedies of all time! Which scene to choose? My husbands all time favourite scene is the following. The Bluth family are trying to sell land to Japanese investors. They use a train set to trick them into thinking building has already begun. Throw in a few misunderstandings and ridiculous props and you’ve got yourself a great scene!
3. Community – Oh my new love! This is a quirky little number starring a whole heap of unknowns and Chevy Chase! It’s a little silly sometimes but I love the characters, especially Ahbed and Troy who do these funny little bits at the end of every episode! Here’s a pearler:
4. 30 Rock – This series can be hit and miss sometimes but when it gets it right it’s down right hilarious! Go Liz Lemon.One of the best characters is Doctor Spaceman (pronounced Spachee man) who is less doctor and more um madman! Hilarious. And you can’t go past a Tina Fey dance routine!
5. ER – On a more serious note we head to the ER where every episode is guaranteed to make you cry. This one was particularly disturbing. When one of the ER docs died they had to wheel him through the corridors he used to walk in front of all his colleagues… gut wrenching but incredible TV.
It’s so hard to choose the best scene from any fav TV show! What are some of your favs?

Alm comes from the trees

My daughter has made up a shop called ‘Alm comes from the trees’, this is also a man. The next day she asked her father and brother if they wanted to play ‘Koala ventress’ on the trampoline. Her ‘My Little Pony’ is called ‘Grass’. Talk about creative. Her ideas are limitless. They don’t make sense; they don’t have to, she is three!

Oh to have that freedom and go crazy with ideas. I love that. I love when you get a taste of crazy creativity. It may seem pathetic in the morning but you have to risk being lame to find the truly magical ideas. I love when filmmakers do that.  I love films like Big Fish, Amelie, Juno, Sherlock Holmes and Stranger than Fiction. They open up conventions and put a really interesting twist on stories, making them rich and enduring.

I must confess to a slight obsession with ‘Rom-Coms’ but they rarely satisfy. My toes curl and blood pumps when I watch a film that is out of this world amazing, startling and beautiful. Some go too far, trying to be too cool. I’m sorry Coen brothers, that was you with Burn After Reading.

Give me smart, sassy television (Gilmore Girls, 30 Rock, Arrested Development) over blood and guts, murder, same old, same old formula rehashed for the umpteenth time. To create a story, film, show that has depth, humour and creativity is the ultimate in my book. Not just to be cool but to be ‘Alm comes from the trees’ creative.

My lass just may be the next Coen, Sherman-Palladino, Hurwitz! No pressure lady-hands.

Charlie Chaplin Slapstick man

Classic Politically Incorrect Comedy

Slapstick is my favourite form of ‘funny’. Oh the laughs we have shared. The term ‘slapstick’, according to wikipedia.com, comes from a bat that was used to make a ‘whack’ sound. When the actor was hit with this prop, the noise made the hit seem worse than it really was. This was one of the earliest forms of special effects. Fascinating.

That is what makes slapstick so funny. If people are actually hurt during the performance, then it would be immoral to laugh. But slapstick gives us the freedom to laugh at people hurting themselves, knowing full well that they’re not really in any danger.

One variant on the slapstick genre toys with the immoral side. You shouldn’t laugh, you don’t want to laugh, but there you are laughing. It is when real people are being used for comedy such as in Borat or The Chaser’s War on Everything that the ethical line becomes blurry. There was a scene on The Chaser where they were talking about discrimination in the community against people who wore wearing balaclavas. They walked into various shops wearing ski masks and people freaked out. One lady hid under a desk, another ran to the safety of a cage at the back of the store. I’m sorry, but I could not stop laughing. (My mother on the other hand was appalled.).

There is the humour of Steve Coogan, where he sets up a fictional reality. You think they are real people being taken for a ride, but actually (phew) they are all actors. Still, it is painful to watch.

Alan Partridge "A HA"

Oh how I have fallen in love with politically incorrect humour: Arrested Development is particularly naughty. This television series messes with the ridiculously rich and makes you feel like your family is normal in comparison. They say the unspeakable and do the unthinkable.

I like to ride on the wild side of comedy. I like the controversial, the bravado, the insanity of it all. I do have my limits. I don’t like seeing people hurt or embarrassed unless it is really, really funny and the funny overwhelms my conscience.

Thank you slapstick. Thank you slightly immoral comedy. Thank you politically incorrect humour. You funny up my life.

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