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Trust is such a tricky thing. You trust strangers to fly planes right, drivers to make safe decisions on the roads, doctors to get a diagnosis spot on but how much do we really trust the people we know?

The first line of trust is yourself. Think about the last decision you made. Was it the right one? Because it may affect how you trust yourself in the future. If you keep making dodgy decisions, even in small things, it tends to wear your confidence down until you feel like a wet rag flapping in the wind. If you don’t really trust yourself how can you trust others?

Second level of trust includes the people you know intimately. This is a tricky one because the more you know someone the more they’re inevitably going to let you down because no one is perfect. My hairdresser told me that she deliberately keeps friends at arm’s length so they can’t hurt her. Pretty full on decision there my hairdresser. What you miss out on is the good times too. Friends can be your biggest fans, they can free you to be yourself, be an awesome shoulder to cry on or speak some hard truths into your life that you need to hear. I’m talking good friends here.

Family can be dicey because there’s so much history and assumptions are rife. How can you trust people who constantly push your buttons. This history can be so ingrained that it is difficult for anyone to change and relationships then stay on the surface because no one has the courage to put themselves on the line, because trust has been worn down.

Strangers. Ah. We all know about stranger-danger. We all watch the news and see the horrible things people do to each other. Just last night a stranger put, what police thought was a bomb around an 18 year old girl’s neck, just to get money from her millionaire father. What psycho does that? That poor girl will be traumatised for a long time and will, no doubt, find it impossible to trust strangers. We had a rapist in our town steal kids from their beds and dump them after he had his way with them. Then, when I was 17, I was followed to school by a bikie type guy in a car. Needless to say, my trust of strangers went downhill from there. To the point where I found it scary to take a walk by myself.

Trust is risky business. (Don’t think of Tom Cruise in his undies, Don’t think of Tom Cruise in his undies). It is making yourself vulnerable. No one wants to be gullible and fall for scammers. It’s kinda sad that our world has come to this but in a way it is human nature. It takes courage and wisdom to know who to trust when.

What are your thoughts on trust?

 

Man it’s good to be better. Sickness rather sucks especially when you’re a mumma and you’ve got two smashing kids to look after. Then there’s the shopping and the cooking and the cleaning. Ah life is exciting on parenting street.

But it is the little things that I missed. Like having the energy to wash up the dishes! Nutso. Yep but feeling guilty on the lounge while hubby does everything isn’t too good either. Oh the joy of meandering down the aisles today, sent a swift smile to my face. The energy to sit and watch my kiddo swim without feeling like I was going to throw up was sheer luxury.

If all else fails, if we have our health then that is enough. If we have our kids healthy and relationships on a path to health too well, that’s just being spoilt. Ah fresh air and sunshine. Good times.

And then there was blogging. Last week I couldn’t even lift a finger to type. Now, you can’t stop me writing, reading, jumping up and down on my bed while thinking of a theme, an opinion. Oooo I just love it. So back I am and here we go. Thanks for reading and keep up the good clicking. More tomorrow. See ya!

Yes, it is that time of year when the ‘R’ word is bandied about like it’s nobody’s business; RESOLUTION. I don’t know about you but I seem to have resolutions all year ’round.

I call them ‘gotta’s. “I gotta get fit, I gotta read more, I gotta play with my kids more, I gotta have more fun, I gotta earn more money, I gotta hang out with friends more often, have more bbqs, get more frequent hair cuts, look after skin/hair/ body better, gotta, gotta, gotta!” No pressure there.

Last year I started the resolution season in a tizz! My son was starting school and my daughter pre-school and so my place in the world was shaken. Resolutions/gottas started frothing from my mouth and flying out of my ears until I felt like hiding in a corner for a spot of rocking. But not this year my friends, oh no. This year is different.

Sure, I still gotta get fit and gotta have more fun but there is no panic. I know my place in the world, I have landed on my feet (or  near enough to). It’s fun watching the kids grow up, my husband get exciting work and my writing develop. I have a job or two on the horizon and an article to be published soon. I have direction and determination and I kinda know how and what to do, without the panic but still with a fair amount of fear. This fear I have renamed, ‘adrenalin’, cos it’s a blast. Sure, it is still scary being a thirty-something year old writing novice but you’ve gotta (there’s that word again) start somewhere, sometime. And now is my time.

2011 has resolutions that are achievable and down right exciting. The kids and the hubby are fairly happy, the sun is shining, I live near the beach in the most beautiful country in the world and my cup runneth over! It could be the shopping buzz talking (I got 50% off a dress today!!!) but life is finally light and bright.

In the past three years there has been a lot of darkness and mud wading going on if you get my drift. You know those times where you just can’t seem to move forward? You have no choice but to keep your head above mud/water and keep pushing through though your muscles ache and your teeth grind and you stare towards the horizon, tears blurring your vision. It is literally sink or wade time and who wants to sink?

So, the brightness of this new day gives me extra joy in comparison to the muddy days of yore when basically everything came crashing down and it all sucked. Now, things suck much less and I feel eternally grateful for all the goodness around me; people, places and the like. My New Years resolution is to be grateful and do the best I can and have fun doing it!

Hands up if you’re fed up with being told either what you have done wrong or what you need to do to make your child perfect. There have been two stories floating around the media this week about this very topic.

First it there was an article reporting on a study undertaken in the UK. It was all about the name of a child being an indicator of later behaviour. So, if you call your child Alexander, instead of Alex, there is a greater chance your little munchkin will be well behaved. Longer names, it said, seemed to produce nicer children. A weird theory, although I don’t think the study was taking itself too seriously. How do you study ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ in kids? (check out the full article at – http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/beth-and-josh-top-naughty-list-20101207-18nik.html)

The second article was all about the effect of mobile phones on children’s behaviour. It also cited a study that found that,”foetuses regularly exposed to mobile phones in the womb had a 30 per cent greater chance of behavioural difficulties at the age of seven.” And that if you expose your kids to mobile phones post birth up to the age of seven (again) their behaviour will also be off the chart. Phew. Two things here. If mobile phones affect foetuses and kids so dramatically, can’t they cause cancer? And secondly, is our culture kidding? Are we simply looking for reasons for stroppy kids or is it really truly real scientifically proven fact? (Here it is – http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/mobiles/controversial-study-finds-mobile-phones-a-risk-to-foetuses-20101208-18op3.html)

It seems we are looking for the answer for the perfect child. How do we manage behavioural problems? How do we produce angel children with serene, calm faces and manners; children with the right amount of courage and independence and drive? It cannot be done! What I love about being a mum are the colours of my life. Which means the absence of the BLAND! Yes my kids have meltdowns and yes it drives me crazy and YES I don’t always handle it the right way but isn’t that just life being colourful?

What we are looking for doesn’t exist. While it is great to know what can help parents manage their families more successfully, sometimes it just comes across as critical or it simply adds to the guilt basket we all carry around on our shoulders. “Oh crap, I shouldn’t have let my kid use the mobile phone, I shouldn’t have used it when I was pregnant, I shouldn’t have called my child Josh, but Joshua…. What was I thinking!!!!!? Bad, bad mother!”

We can get so wrapped up in the regrets of the past. Those clumsy, careless days when nothing you say or do could be classed as ‘perfect parent’ material. Remember that time in the car when you yelled and everyone was crying so you turned up the music to give yourself a moment to calm down? Remember when you were at the end of your tether and you lost it, stamped your feet and acted like a spoiled brat?

Regrets, shmegets! All you can do is your best and if, on one particularly bad day, it’s poor, then it’s poor! As one child psychologist said, “Don’t aim to be the perfect parent, aim to for ‘good enough'”.

 

 

Image by Nponte

  1. A cup of tea gone cold
  2. A promise of awesome food, the reality of a bad, sad, soggy meal
  3. Waiting with the fear of being stood up, then being stood up
  4. “Rain on your wedding day” – thanks Alanis
  5. The vomits, the runs, sickness when you’ve got things to do
  6. Hollow words
  7. Broken nail – IT REALLY HURTS
  8. Slugs on the step outside in the dark when you’re mid-run
  9. Fluffy, disobedient hair
  10. Bird poo on clean washing (I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again = sad)
  11. Crunchy floor
  12. Chin hair (on anyone)
  13. Nerves that bring on a slight stutter
  14. Dropping things
  15. No petrol in car
  16. Losing your favourite jumper/top/dress/undies/bikini…
  17. Scary movies – you just cannot get that time back
  18. Burnt steak (mind you that NEVER happens in our house – go hubby!)
  19. Peeling paint when you’ve just painted. What went wrong?
  20. Careless thoughts that turn into careless words that result in a beetroot red face!

What would be your top 20?

Ok, there are two ways to approach your film selection when feeling blue. On these foul days you either feel like something stupid and fun or something really sad; an empathy movie.

* Stupid movies for pepping purpose:

1. Romantic movies can melt your sad, cold heart on a rainy day. They give you hope, whether it be false or not, it doesn’t matter. What is important is that in this fictional realm, the sun comes out and all is resolved, happy and peaceful at the end. For example (and the list is endless here), Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, How to lose a Guy in 10 days, Sweet Home Alabama, Sabrina, Breakfast at Tiffanys dot dot dot. They all show trauma and conflict in romantic situations. Love always wins out, there’s your sunshine, happy days.

2. Really stupid, slapstick movies knock the melancholy right out of you. They MAKE you laugh. Any Austin Powers, Dumb and Dumber, Naked Gun, There’s Something About Mary will fill this role nicely. There’s nothing like the humiliation of fictional characters to make you feel better about yourself!

These movies give you perspective and an outlet for all your sighs. ‘Tis better to laugh than cry anyway.

* Tear jerkers, hanky soakers, depressing, empathy movies to make you feel normal.

– If you must cry, cry at something sadder than your sadness. Sad movies were made for such days. It will either be fantastic and FREE therapy, or something that will make you feel worse. But if you’re into experimentation, give it a go!
Top Ten Tear Jerkers (in no particular order, cos who in their right mind could order such a list?):

1. Beaches

2. The Notebook

3. Titanic

4. Steel Magnolias

5. The Pusuit of Happyness (of course!)

6. Schindler’s List

7. Life is Beautiful

8. Rabbit Proof Fence

9. Pay it Forward

10. The Elephant Man

This was a hard list to make! Wow, so many sad movies to choose from.

On your next sad day, when you have the blues and the time to indulge them, crack open some Cadbury’s best, grab a tissue and pop on one of those beauties.

What are some of your favourite tear jerkers?

It is interesting to see language change as you enter parenthood. Language is efficient between mothers. There are phrases, spoken or written, that instantly make sense to other parents. A tap of the nose, a slow blink of the eyes, they know exactly what you mean.

For example, the other day, one of my lovely facebook friends said that she was having “one of those days”. I could feel hundreds of virtual nods moving simultaneously. ‘One of those days’ for a parent goes something like this:

– MORNING: Sleepless night, followed by whinging kid at the breakfast table, refusing to eat. An hour and a half later, the child is still in pyjamas and you’ve got to get out of the door. Lunches are hurriedly packed, the other child potters around forgetting what he or she has to pack in the school bag, no teeth cleaned. “We need to leave in 10 minutes”, you try not to scream. School child tantrums while trying ever so hard to put on pesky socks. Pyjama kid finally finishes grapes and dismounts chair, and starts fussing over clothes. Tears, screaming, parent tries hard to ignore while a volcano of emotions moves closer to the surface. Finally, both kids are dressed and find themselves in a power struggle over who has the stool while cleaning teeth and who can spit in the sink and who has to spit into the bath. Children meander to the car, taking FOREVER to climb in an sit DOWN. Car in motion, school kid dropped at school. Perhaps tears today, clinging onto legs, “Don’t go!”

-MIDDLE DAY: One child down one to go. You love your kids but this is just “one of those days”. The little one constantly switches between crying sad and painful whinging. Your patience is paper thin. You may use words you promised yourself you never would. You feel worse. You send child to bed for an early sleep after the breakfast behaviour is repeated at lunch. Child refuses to sleep, wants water, toilet, cuddle, story, more water, noises are scary, wants to sing…

-END DAY: Wake up little one. He/she is not happy. Grumpy, tears start again. Refuses to get out of bed. Shoes are put on while still in bed. Cuddle on the lounge before placing bleary-eyed little one in car.  Drive to school.  Little one demands water. No water, left at home! Try not to make little one run as you rush into the playground. Bell goes, school child runs past, dumping bulging, unzippered bag at your feet. You have to chase school child around the playground with bag and little one in tow. Ignored, you start walking out of the playground in the hope that s.c will follow. Eventually get to the car, go home. Afternoon filled with demands, sulks, crying, whinging and then dinner. You place your hard work on the table and you get “I don’t want to eat that”. You put child’s dinner in the bin and eventually they are both in bed!

– EVENING: You want to cry but too tired. You bury yourself in dvds, tv or a good book. You go to bed, trying not to seethe. “I love them, I love them, it was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!”

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